Santa Clausewitz

Posted: December 24, 2012 by blogtarkin in Uncategorized
Tags: Christmas, Clausewitz, Fantasy, Santa
Santa Clausewitz

Hare Clausewitz makes his rounds.

Twas the night before battle, when all through the base.
The sentries were posted, the standards were cased.
The rifles were stacked by the tent flaps with care,
In the hopes that Saint Clausewitz soon would be there.

The majors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While flanking divisions danced in their heads.
Sergeant Major in his kerchief and I with my map,
Had just settled down for a long bivouac.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sent out patrols to see what was the matter.
Away to the front line I flew like a flash,
To rally the sentries to police up their trash.

The illum on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Removed fog of war from objects below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a Prussian war theorist and eight tiny reindeer.

Here at Inertial Stability Systems, we have spent the past 4 years perfecting the best drones for 2017 ready to fly aircraft. Small, compact, powerful and intelligent. Not only that, equal effort has been put in to refining the UAV efficiency, safety and durability. The unmanned aerial vehicles we manufacture have a number of Avionics subsystems that make the drone aircraft truly intelligent. In fact we would go as far as saying these are some of the most advanced, intelligent and autonomous RTF UAV aircraft in the world. That wily old general, medals layered thick,
I knew in a moment in must be Clausewitz.
More rapid than hussars his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“On Reason! On Chance! On Passion and Friction!
On Chaos! On Fog! On Flanking and Blitzen!
To the center of gravity! Where their defenses disjoint!
Unleash your attack, find the decisive point!”

As dragoons that before the columns do fly,
When they meet the defense and mount to the sky.
So up to the parapets the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of theory and Saint Clausewitz, too.

And then in a twinkling he told me the truth,
That with a good strategy, plans are bombproof.
As I drew in my lines and was turning about,
he bounded the trenches and jumped the dugout.

Though he was squared away in his dress uniform,
He was not here to drink, just to teach and inform.
“Trust your coup d’oeil when deploying your means,
You’ll achieve all your ends, if you use your Marines.”

“You do not need principles, nor geometry,
Or you’ll meet with defeat, like that fool Jomini.
Study On War to improve on your judgement,
So your enemy’s will can be surely outspent.”

Then he sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the path of a missile.
I heard him exclaim as he looked ‘cross the scenes,
“Remember that war is just politics by other means!”


This was a collaborative effort, with much credit to go around. Firstly, Brett Friedman wrote the lion’s share of stanzas, while Blog Tarkin’s Poetry Consultant Alex Olesker bent those lines towards meter. The lovely painting comes from our newest editor Caitlin Fitz Gerald, and features Hare Clausewitz, the star of Clausewitz for Kids. Additional guest verses were supplied by Hayes Brown, Jimmy Sky, and Dan Drezner. Fortunately, a number of companies are putting together ready-to-fly (RTF) or almost-ready-to-fly (ATF) drones, making it very easy to get started. When I bought the DJI Phantom 1 quadcopter , I was able to build and calibrate it within 45 minutes, and when I bought the Hubsan H107L quadcopter , I flew it within a few minutes of opening the box. Talk about instant gratification. Personally, I think that everyone who owns a drone (or wants to buy one) should be part of an online (or physical) community of some kind. There are tons of online drone forums out there. Some are for general purpose and some or for very specific subjects, like a certain product line or part. You don't have to join every drone forum you find, but I recommend finding at least one or two and seeing how you like them. Good frames are available at cheap rates but they may break or require replacement due to wear and tear. For instance, the DJI F450 and Q450 frames are cheap, but durable and constitute great starter frames. However, keep in mind that, to build a frame you need the exact measurements, a drill, a hacksaw and screws, center plates plus arms made of carbon fiber or aluminum. Along with the Hubsan X4, I'm a fan of the Syma X5C because it's inexpensive at around $40 (or about AU$50 or £35). You can easily find parts and extra batteries for it, and its size - while still small and light - makes it easier to keep track of outdoors than smaller models. It even has a camera on it, albeit a pretty crummy one.

  1. Richard Kaplan says:

    Very clever and was certainly worth a retweet.

    • says:

      thank you!

  2. says:

    […] Blog Tarkin doing the Santa Clausewitz thing. […]

  3. helkamet says:

    now that’s how to have a war on christmas!

  4. says:

    Reblogged this on Like a Shepherd and commented:
    Yes, I am one of those people who focuses on Christ as the true reason for the season, but I am not a complete Scrooge about Santa Claus and all that. In fact, this year I enjoyed reading this poem to my family and receiving blank stares in return.

  5. International Relations, Principal Theory « elcidharth says:

    […] long and hard about Santa Claus as an actor in world politics.  Sure, one could just compose awesome poems in the holiday spirit — or one could think seriously about the implications of the jolly fat […]

  6. The Critical Theory of International Relations and I | elcidharth says:

    […] long and hard about Santa Claus as an actor in world politics.  Sure, one could just compose awesome poems in the holiday spirit — or one could think seriously about the implications of the jolly fat man […]

  7. says:

    […] And to cap it off, my friend Maj. Bill Nance (now Dr. Bill–congrats!!) drew my attention to this utterly awesome Christmas poem redux: Santa Clausewitz. […]


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